Living with a Sense of Urgency and Purpose
I was driving down the 405 freeway for work the other day when I encountered some traffic. It wasn’t unusual, given that it was a weekday morning. The familiar frustration boiled inside me, spilling into audible sighs and expletives. “Why can’t you morons just go!?” “Get off your goddamn phone, butthole!” “I fucking hate this fucking shit, fuck shit motherfucker!” I’ve been trying to be more mindful about not getting emotional about things out of my control (like traffic), but sometimes it gets the best of me. Once I became aware of my belligerence, I started laughing at myself, saying, “Sheesh… why so angry? Calm down, stupid.” Besides, I’ve grown up in Los Angeles. How on earth am I still shocked and disappointed by traffic?
Up ahead, I see the culprit. There’s a cop car with its lights on, closing off three lanes of traffic and creating a massive bottleneck. A little white hatchback had gotten into a minor fender-bender. Even though the accident didn’t appear that bad, the outcome was in fact tragic. As I got closer, I saw that the officer had put up white sheets on both doors of the crashed car, trying to conceal what was inside. That could only mean one thing–a fatality.
When I approached the vehicle, I could see the silhouette of a man slouched over, with his face coming to rest on the steering wheel. The body sat eerily still in the driver's seat. Everyone seemed oblivious as they inched by the wreck, jockeying for position to get by this inconvenience to wherever they were going. I wondered how many people noticed the empty husk of the person who started that morning, just as we all did.
Where was he going? Was he headed to a job he hated? Did he have things he wanted to do but was constantly pushing them to tomorrow? Did the people in his life know how important they were to him? Was he happy and fulfilled?
Whatever the answers are to these questions, I can almost certainly guarantee you that he didn’t know he was going to die that day. If he did, he picked a hell of a place to spend his last moments. He got up, did his morning routine, and headed out to what was probably an ordinary day. What do you think he would’ve done differently? What do you think he would've changed if he had known years before that that was his last day? What would you change if you had a few years warning and knew the day you were going to die? That’s right… you are going to die, and you have no idea how many days you have left.
Four years ago, like this gentleman, I was in a little white hatchback, going home from work one evening. A lady at an intersection I was approaching thought she had a protected left turn arrow (not only did she not, but there were no turn arrows to begin with) and pulled right in front of me. BAM! I had an airbag to the face, a concussion, torn ligaments in my shoulder, and a completely totaled car. There was absolutely nothing I could’ve done to prevent it. That would’ve been my last day if I were on my motorcycle.
The accident gave me a breath of life I didn’t know I needed. I realized I was putting up with a job I hated for fear I couldn’t find anything better, nor was I wholeheartedly pursuing something else to get me out of it. I found myself hanging onto relationships that weren’t fulfilling. It dawned on me that I wasn’t living up to my potential and being authentically me because I was afraid. I wasn’t engaging in simple aspects of daily life for fear of being judged or rejected. I was scared to fail and to succeed. Afraid of what people thought of me. I was scared to go after what I wanted–what my heart and spirit yearned for just because it might not work out. I was terrified of the endless “what ifs.”
If I had died in the intersection that night, I would not have been proud of myself. I wasn’t on my path. I was putting up with jobs and relationships that were crushing me because I thought they were “secure.” I had let societal standards and people's opinions hold too much weight. I was living someone else's idea of what life is supposed to be like and what I should find value in. I was putting things off like I had the luxury of time–like there’s always a tomorrow.
I’m forever grateful for that accident. It was the epiphany I needed. Tomorrow is never promised–security is a complete illusion. Death is an inch away from us at every moment–never forget that. Do not act like you have all the time in the world to pursue your desires and create the life you want. Start now! You do not want to die trying to meet someone else’s expectations. Don’t be afraid of anything or allow yourself to be stuffed into a box that can’t contain you. Not only are you going to die, but so are all the people whose opinions you’re so concerned with, too. So what is there to fear? Don’t let things go unsaid or stay in destructive relationships or soul-crushing jobs–there is no time to squander. This is your one and only shot at this.
I’ll bet the guy I passed on the freeway that morning had some things he would’ve done differently. If I die today, I will do so with a smile because I know I’m trying my best to be the person I want to be. I will die on the trail of my own making.
“It’s better to shoot for the moon and miss than aim for the gutter and make it” - Danny Trejo
“You live as if you were destined to live forever, no thought of your frailty ever enters your head, of how much time has already gone by you take no heed. You squander time as if you drew from a full and abundant supply, though all the while that day which you bestow on some person or thing is perhaps your last.” - Seneca Roman Stoic philosopher)
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” - Marcus Aurelius
Read more about my life and personal journey out of the grips of alcohol in my book - Last Call, Stupid available now on Amazon
